What would you create if you were free from your compulsion to compare?
Have you ever done this? You’re going about your work – the work you love, your creative, meaningful, life-on-purpose work – and then suddenly, you catch yourself comparing it. Comparing yourself.
You compare yourself to people who seem to have it all together:
Stars. Gurus. Experts. Models of success and perfection. And suddenly, you stop what you’re doing, worried that you’ll never stack up.
You compare yourself to the people who you believe are doing it wrong:
Sleazebags. Fearmongers. Hyped-up, self-styled gurus and trashy, one-size-fits-all over-simplifiers. And suddenly, you stop what you’re doing, worried that you’ll veer unintentionally into that loathsome territory.
Comparing isn’t the problem, per se. (Yes…we just said that. Read on.) There’s actually nothing wrong with admiring and appreciating others, except when it leads us to forget that we are creative, successful and complete in our own right. There’s nothing wrong with healthy and thoughtful critique, except when it leads us to place constraints on ourselves (and others) that hold us back from living a full, free, and kind life.
Beyond Compare is a self-study program for people who want to quit comparing themselves to other people and feeling like someone – whether it’s you or the other person – is coming up short.
You’ll reclaim the incredible creative power that gets lost when you fall into the habits of hero-worship or envy, disdain or harsh judgment. Your relationships – with your professional community, your family, and your friends – will transform in a big way, because you’ll stop projecting your fears all over those unsuspecting people and start seeing them as they really are: human, flawed, and unique. And there’s one more critically important piece: If you’ve felt the effects of others comparing to you – whether they’ve put you on a pedestal, or tried to crush you under their heel – then this program is for you, too. There’s a whole section on how to protect yourself when you’re on the receiving end of unhealthy comparison.
If you are...
- Frustrated by the time you spend losing yourself in reading others’ sites in the name of inspiration or research only to wind up in the no-man’s land between envy and disdain…
- Looking to heroes and role models to show you the path to the happiness you seek…
- Holding big ambitions, but fearing the consequences of becoming more visible: judgment, criticism, or just the projections from those you want to connect with…
- Feeling fear or disappointment about losing your connection when someone you adore becomes wildly successful…
- In a love-hate spiral with social media…
- Finding yourself playing small, when you deeply desire to play big…
…then the Beyond Compare program is absolutely for you.
So, how is comparison compulsion holding you back?
- Focusing on the gap between your insides and others’ outsides;
- Losing focus on what you’re here to do;
- Feeling li ke an outsider: alone, disconnected, alienated;
- Succumbing to a scarcity mentality;
- Projecting your desires onto others, rather than going after them yourself;
- Passing up opportunities, or holding yourself back, for fear of being the target of other people’s projections and criticism.
These habits have an impact, whether we’re looking up to someone as a model of achievement or perfection, or looking down on them as a failure or cautionary tale. It’s the distance we put between ourselves and others that’s the culprit: the stories we tell ourselves about what their successes (or flaws) mean, and what that means for our own journeys.
Through Beyond Compare, you can expect to…
- Locate the source of your impulse to compare and defer to your peers and heroes – and learn to use those energies with more clarity of intention.
- Find ways to transform your impulse to compare into healthier, more generous, and joyful expressions.
- Liberate yourself from the habit of projecting your desires and fears onto others.
- Dissolve your fears about stepping into your greatness and having others’ projections foisted onto you.
- Become your own ultimate authority.
Bottom line, you will:
- Regain a ton of time and energy.
- Follow your unique path (rather than someone else’s).
- Stay focused on your good work.
- Which means? You are free to focus on what you want. Like, in your wildest dreams.
Free yourself from the stronghold of comparison. Your best work awaits.
The Digital Program
7 program sessions on understanding why you compare and rewriting your scripts.
Engaging, interactive exercises in a beautiful, editable, and printable book.
Come closer. These videos are intimate, thoughtful, and made with love. Two per session, plus one to welcome you in. Plus transcripts for all videos.
7 Audio Visualizations
Narrated by Lauren and Tanya, these visualizations allow you to tune in to your inner knowing. (Transcripts included too.)
5 Video InterviewsInterviews with Amy Palko, Sarah Bray, Ronna Detrick, Paul Jarvis and Julie Daley.
8 Audio Meditations
8 meditations from our friends at Buddhify, to help you practice kindness to self and others.
Email Inspiration (optional)Deepen your learning with email nudges tailored to your pace. (Totally optional, of course.)
The Workbook for Groups
A special guide to setting up a partnership or group.
Why Tanya and Lauren?
We’re leadership coaches so the whole “be the change” thing means a great deal to us. And we’re fed up with the reality of comparison’s grip on so many of us… so we decided to transform it.
- We’re fed up with witnessing the very personal attacks being levelled at women* who strive for success–our peers, colleagues, friends, clients… ourselves.
- We’re fed up with the incredible backlash we see whenever one of us dares to rise up and sing her own tune–unique and human.
- We’re fed up with watching others dim their light for fear of retaliation.
- We’re fed up with watching brilliant people defer their authority to others who appear shinier, brighter, wiser.
We’re fed up with the reality and ready to change it. So we’ve designed an antidote to the underlying disease: unconscious comparison, and the disconnection that feeds it. It’s a deep, transformative, and powerful digital program called Beyond Compare.
* Not only women, of course – but especially women.
Tanya GeislerTanya is a certified Life and Business Coach (CPCC, ACC) with a penchant for clarity. She’s coached hundreds of people who were ready to step into the starring roles of their lives. She wrote The Joy Pages, created Board of Your Life and the Step into Your Starring Role program, is a blogger for the wildly popular The Daily Love, has served as contributor and was featured in Canadian Living, and is an in-demand speaker who talks with great passion on all things joy, meaning, and purpose (just try to stop her). She recently spoke about the Impostor Complex at TEDxWomen.
Lauren BaconLauren is on a mission to help business leaders become more joyful and generous. A seasoned entrepreneur, published author, and business and leadership coach, Lauren coaches startups, entrepreneurs, and leaders of all stripes. Her writing on business, technology, and leadership has been featured in The Atlantic, 99U, Women 2.0, Quartz, The Huffington Post, and Fast Company – and her bestselling first book, The Boss of You: Everything a Woman Needs to Know to Start, Run, and Maintain Her Business, got props from both Bust Magazine and The Financial Post. Lauren’s e-book, Curious for a Living: How Asking Better Questions Makes You Indispensable, launched in November 2013.
Frequently Asked Questions
What technology do I need to access the course content?
- A computer, tablet or smart phone with an internet connection (to access the initial downloads)
- The ability to view PDFs
- To listen to the audio recordings, you’ll need some way of listening to MP3s. (Most web browsers can do this just fine, or you can use iTunes or something similar.)
- To view the videos, you’ll need a device that can view videos on YouTube. (Here’s one to test with.)
That’s it! There’s no software to install or anything. It’s all quite simple.
How long does it take to complete the program?
Your timing will vary, but we originally conceived Beyond Compare as an 8-week program; there’s about 2-3 hours per week of content and exercises if you choose to do everything, but if that feels like more than you can commit to, we encourage you to move through at your own pace and to choose the exercises that call to you most strongly.
Why does the program include a workbook for groups? Can I do it alone?
Absolutely – Beyond Compare is designed to be totally self-contained. But we know many of you prefer to work in partnerships and groups, so we’ve included The Workbook for Groups, which includes guidance on how to set up a partnership or group – including a sample welcome message, agreements, and guidelines – as well as questions you can use in your group discussions. Sort of like a book club guide, but more robust. We believe that doing this work with a partner or group will enrich the experience for many people – after all, this is a program about transforming your relationships with others as well as with yourself – and that’s why we’ve included The Workbook for Groups as part of the package.
I’d like to do this with someone else but I’m not sure who to ask.
This can be vulnerable stuff, for sure, but in our experience, anyone else who wants to shift their relationship with comparison – and who’s willing to commit to your ‘book club’ – can be a good fit. Remember: they’re here to work on their stuff, not to judge you on yours – and working on comparison with a partner is a fast-track to self-awareness and mutual support. One place to look for a partner is in the Beyond Compare Facebook group.
Do you offer refunds?
No, but if you’re unhappy with the program, we will happily grant you permission to pass your copy along to someone else who might enjoy it.
What happened to the group version of the program you were offering before?
What kind of support can I expect while doing the program?
This will vary depending on whether you choose to work on your own or with a group, of course, but whichever option you choose, you can expect to receive regular email nudges from us with tips and encouragement (and you can set the pacing for these to suit your timing). And the Facebook group is always there for sharing your insights, asking questions, and practicing a new way of being with yourself and others. We (Tanya & Lauren) will be active in the Facebook group as well, so you’re welcome to ask us questions there. If you have technical questions, of course, we will do our best to help with those, too.
Still have questions?
Email our tech maven Arwyn at arwyn [at] tanyageisler [dot] com and she’ll get back to you as quickly as possible.